Evelyn Resh

Sensual and sexual health and satisfaction for teens and adults

How sex can make you more powerful.

March, 2013 –

Describing something as powerful  is often a way we caution people about its fundamental essence or properties and imply they pay close attention should they come in contact with it; Powerful drinks are a bit naughty and dangerous, powerful people are high-risk, powerful medicine is something to be taken  judiciously.  But what about sex – is there a way that sex can render us more powerful, and if there is, is this something to be wary of or grateful for?
When sex is free of coercion, involves mutual agreement and participation, and is respectful of each partner’s preferences and presence it has the potential to raise self-esteem in a way nothing else can. Feeling good about who we are gives us confidence and confidence is the most powerful thing of all.
What could be more meaningful and reassuring to an individual than the experience of intensely satisfying sensations simply because they are who they are in psyche, flesh, and bone?  When we are able to surrender in safety to the fusion of skin and soul through self-pleasuring or in the company of a partner, the effect is alchemic and leaves us dazzled by what can happen by being fully present in the bodies we live in each day and yet take for granted more often than not.
Magic happens when we give our undivided attention to sex as opposed to simply showing-up for the event to say we were there or quiet the protests of our hungry mate. The former improves our sense of self and boosts our self-esteem. The later erodes it.  When our self-esteem is high, we have greater self-agency, and are more likely to feel optimistic about life and believe that we were instrumental in making things so good.  And yet, despite the magic potion qualities that non-coercive, respectful sex can hold, it’s a rare woman who will turn to it to lift her mood; an even rarer one who will look to her body as a comforting home base and a reminder that having sex can be a tonic for feeling better about who she is.
I say stop and feel the treasures to be had and behold in the experiences of your flesh. Use your skin as your greatest sexual organ and be grateful for all the good sensations you can feel simply by being you.  Walk into your sexual experiences with mindfulness and deserved expectations for respect and pleasure and you will be more likely to walk away feeling more powerful because of it.

Copyright, 3/2013 E. Resh

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