Evelyn Resh

Sensual and sexual health and satisfaction for teens and adults

Author Archive

Thank you, Renee!

This review of my new book was posted on Amazon. What a thrill and deeply appreciated. Pleasure begets pleaure-this book is a gem!!!, March 27, 2013
By Renee Peterson Trudeau “career and work/life … (Austin, TX) – See all my reviews

This review is from: Women, Sex, Power, And Pleasure: Getting the Life (and Sex) You Want (Paperback)

Evelyn lovingly and compassionately guides the reader to the truth that not only is pleasure our birthright, it’s essential to our emotional well-being (on every level)! Many of us are learning to practice self-care and understand how important nurturing ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually is to a life of joy and connection but the missing ingredient for many of us (as Evelyn points out) is PLEASURE! This funny, accessible, enjoyable book is next to my bed right now and even though I’ve finished reading it, I want the daily reminder that pleasure begets pleasure and that my sexual well-being is not a “side dish”-it’s crucial to feeling whole, alive and vibrant on every level. Thank you so much for this gem of a book-I’m buying a copy for all the women in my life!!

Women, Sex, Power & Pleasure: Getting the Life (and sex) You Want – my new book

Here is information a out my new book, released March 1st, 2013: IMG_2272

1. There are many books on the market about sex. What makes this book different from the rest?

My book is unique for two primary reasons: First, I use a whole-life, integrative model that essentially addresses women’s relationship to pleasure in general, its direct impact on their emotional health, and finally, how both influence their interest in sex.  Secondly, my writing is humorous.  In our culture, if we use humor when we talk about sex it often slips into vulgarity. I believe that my writing is  pithy, well-rooted in my medical and counseling practices, and funny to read without diminishing the content, distracting readers from the salient points or suggestions I am trying to make, and succeeds in entertaining them in the process.

2. Why did you write this book?

After many years in practice as both a nurse-midwife and sexuality counselor, I realized that women were in desperate need of a whole-life approach to sex that keeps pace with the many changes they’ll face over their life-time which impacts their sex lives; aging, kids growing up and moving away, health problems, and marriages and careers needing to be ended, renovated, or revised. Most of the books I see available on sex either view it strictly as an activity unto itself with no relationship to anything else in a woman’s life or as solely dependent on the quality of her marriage or partnership. Looking at sex in these ways limits our understanding of its link to virtually everything in our lives. It also limits our appreciation for how our emotional health affects how accessible, interesting, and possible sex feels at any given time. Lastly, as a public health practitioner and author, I see my writing as a means by which to do the public health work I feel is most important. The written word can be a powerful tool to educate people about how to make their lives better. This is why I wrote this book, my first book, and why I write at all.  I want my writing to provide people with health education and illness prevention information in a palatable and easily digestible form.

Sex Mice – in the News Again

I have deliberately avoided writing commentary about sex in the news.  But I have changed my mind today, at least this once.  Pope Benedict’s resignation and his little red book has me all fired up and it’s time for me to write about sexual abuse as a public health crisis.

Current statistics reveal that 1 in 6 men and 1 in 3 women have experienced some kind of sexual abuse in their lives. These figures are based on reported cases, leaving my inquiring mind speculating about the real prevalence rates. Pope Benedict’s resignation and the revelation of the extent of his knowledge of the abuse crisis are disturbing but come as no surprise to me; it all has to do with a common misunderstanding of a problem I refer to as:  The Sex Mice.

I often best understand concepts when I have a visual image to associate with them.  An image of scurrying, silent, and determined mice is what my mind has come up with as a picture of human, sexual energy in action – the way it moves in people’s lives and the often unstoppable qualities it has are not unlike how real-live mice behave.  Mice can and do get just about anywhere, which means they are everywhere.  They are also blind, which is a phenomenon I find especially fascinating, given how competent they are at getting what they want.  These features, blindness included, are identical to the force and action of human sexual energy.  And, just like mice, sexual energy is omnipresent but until and unless it morphs into a very negative thing, it’s often treated as a mere nuisance rather than a serious problem to fix – just like a horde of mice.  This is dangerous, very dangerous.  If you have ever had a mouse problem you know what I mean.  When mice are allowed to have free-rein they destroy electrical wiring in homes, nest, piss, and shit behind wall boards, steal dog kibble, run across your cutting boards and stove tops leaving tell-tale evidence of their presence as they drop turds and tiny puddles of urine. They also scare you half to death when you get a glimpse of them and most of us have a reflexive response to turn away in hopes they’ll disappear and then we can pretend they’re not there.  Sexual energy – when unacknowledged, uninhibited, untethered, and not well managed – can be equally destructive as a horde of mice – and we’d all rather not see this or know about it.  Sexual energy will find its way into the tiniest spot in your psyche, stalk you, and can ruin your life or someone else’s when you don’t deal with it constructively.  We now have plenty of evidence of this in the sex abuse scandal in the Catholic Church as well as PennState, Horace Mann, and other venerable institutions who tout their morality as a way to elevate their status in people’s minds.  Administrators, like the Pope, knew something was running amok, he knew he had a Sex Mice problem and chose to look away, in hopes it would go away. Mice are everywhere, deal with it. Sex is everywhere, deal with it. Otherwise, as we have seen, the consequences are grave.

Having worked with so many people who have been sexually abused has given me the opportunity to view the consequences of abuse up-close and personal.  Victims, almost always, stand alone and talk about the silence associated with their experiences.  They lose their voices and in fact the predators modus operandi often includes terrifying threats against them should they speak up.  And yet as a nation, we continue to find sex, sexuality, and sexual energy an inappropriate subject for open conversation, despite the inherent benefits of doing otherwise.  What will it take for us to change our behavior and overcome our reticence to talk about sex frankly, openly, and especially with factual information, compassion, and an eye on the prevention of abuse?  What do we need to encourage us to seek information about human sexuality and therefore understand it better?  Open discussions about what healthy sex is, that our criteria for sexual pleasure is deeply personal, and most important that sex is best if never coupled with terror is critical to our life-long health and well-being.  And while we refer to sex crimes as not fundamentally about sex but about power and control, the fact is that sex is the weapon of choice for the perpetrator leaving a life-long association between sex and fear, pain, humiliation, and powerlessness in the mind and soul of their victims.

The question remains; what will it take for us all to change our behavior? Will we ever accept that sexual energy is a force to be reckoned with and sexual feelings compelling, even when we wish they weren’t?  Are we willing to take on the task of correction or expulsion when the sexual energy of someone amongst us has become as destructive as a horde of mice? This is the real question at hand and the responsibility of each one of us to answer.

Copyright, E. Resh 2013, s

Even I can be surprised…….

Last night, I was scanning comments on my most recent blog post.  There was a comment that I appreciated and decided to respond to it.  There was both a website and an email address next to the comment and the website sounded interesting: skip-the-coffee.com. I decided to check it out. Oh, the things that can happen on the Internet! Whoa baby, skip-the coffee ended up being an impressively raunchy porn site with coffee beans as a graphic. Okay, I am an abstract thinker but I just don’t get this.  Coffee beans and porn? What’s the connection? At times like this I retreat back into my academic and scholarly head. What I know to be fact is the following: sex is one of the most dominating forces in our experiences as human beings and evidently, we’re able to pair it with just about anything – even coffee. This speaks to the reason we as parents (especially) and adults too need to mind our peas-and- q’s when it comes to attending to our sexual needs. Otherwise, they’ll show up somewhere  – or everywhere – when we least expect them to.  Un-tethered and not fully understood or seriously considered and your sexual interests and energy can spill into every part of your life, leaving you pulled  by the figurative nose. Before you know it, you make decisions that you can’t believe you made.  And this is because you actually didn’t make them.  Their was a force far greater than your frontal lobe at work. Unless you want to drink your coffee while looking at images of women with every orifice they have filled with large penises, I suggest you avoid this site. Personally, it did nothing for me expect remind me that sex is strong, bold, and omnipresent for many of us and can be mixed with virtually anything in our minds – coffee included.

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