Evelyn Resh

Sensual and sexual health and satisfaction for teens and adults

Archive for the category “Blog”

Fabulous thought……

This is one of the best things I have EVER read:

 ”It’s a living reminder that life is not a miser, and you have the right to everything you love.”

This quote was in reference to having things around you that can remind you of what you love and help you achieve the things you want in life. The idea that life is not the miser, but that we all develop a miserly relationship to life’s pleasures is a fantastic concept. I love it and am finding it so helpful as I move along in my attempts to create my very own empire of content related to the importance of pleasurable living and sexual and sensual health and satisfaction.  I am currently working with material that is part of a career and life coaching project I am involved in.  It’s a consultation, really.  I am hoping that my work with Valerie Young will help me hone my skills and ideas for getting the word out about pleasurable living and satisfying sex to as many people as I can. From all the feedback I am receiving, people are starving for this content and appreciative of it when it comes their way.  And, I love giving it! This is my own life’s work, too. I am sure those of you who know me a bit realize this. I wouldn’t be so passionate about it if it weren’t. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t examine what I am giving to or taking from life and the people I encounter.  Am I being authentic and true to my opinions about the importance of pleasure in all the things I do? And, is this benefiting me and others? Chosing to live my life with such conciousness is exhausting at times but I don’t think there’s any other way to do this and be successful.


I am still basking in the light of my week spent as a speaker and participant at the 64th annual Conference on World Affairs at the University of Colorado in Boulder. This is one of the highlights of my year. I was on 9 panels in 4 days this year and spent time with some of the finest and most accomplished people I have ever met and known. The whole experience is terrific and the panels are stimulating and informative. This year I just loved a panel titled: Flirting for Dummies. I shared the spotlight with 3 other folks, all at last 15 years younger than I am but who have lots of accomplsihments to crow about. Gooding, a fabulously warm, charitable, talented, and sexy Indie musician was to my left (closest to my heart!) with James Tanabe and Clare Murphy to my right. James has been a circus artisit and involved with Cirque de Soleil and Clare is an internationally known storyteller. These guys and gal are amazing people who taught me plenty and warmed my heart in so many ways. James’ solilquoy on flirting was outstanding and brought me into a place of remembering that infants are the best flirters of all simply becasue they’re seeking the thing we all need and cherish most – a positive refelction of self and human contact. Babies are self-advocates and there flirting is proof of this. They are also utterly uninhibited and aren’t burdened with shame the way most of the rest of us are, which also facilitates successful flirting! The panel received great questions from audience members, too. College students who wore their hearts out on their sleeves and asked things that were clearly important to them and reflective of heartache and uncertainty. I admire this and feel we all did right by them. But meanwhile, the energy of the group continues to inspire me and my new friends in flirting reminded me again of my own love of the art of subtle self-advocacy and the playfulness in it.  And since we’re not babies anymore, I will include something that James Tanabe said that rang so true for me: “Flirting should be done with a bit of fear, otherwise it would be arrogant.” So, hone your flirting skills, advocate for yourself, and enjoy it. Whether you’re in a long-term relationship or looking for that one special someone, flirting is an art-form worthy of your time and attention.

Sex – “It just happened.”

Wouldn’t sex be more satisfying, on all levels, if we adopted a greater sense of social and personal responsibility when it came to our sexual choices? It seems to me that if we self-reflected longer about who to have sex with, when to engage, what kind-of sex we want, and how our sexual choices might affect people in our personal lives (and even the world at large) we’d have a greater chance of improving our sexual outcomes and enjoying ourselves more. When you look at some of the research about sex gone bad you’ll see the following phrase over and over again: “I don’t know, it just happened.” How exactly does that work? Having something like an affair when you’re in a monogamous relationship or sex with a known married partner, it just happened seems odd and highly unlikely to me. Wake up out there! Adopt a policy to start talking about sex more openly with your kids, your beloved(s), and yourself to increase your fluency with the subject. Get informed about how great sex really can be if you approach it with an informed outlook and with the intention to be socially and personally accountable for your choices. Get more out of your sexual experiences by paying more attention to them before they happen. Think about sex more often and make an effort to get the sex you want within a safe and constructive context. Don’t just let it happen, make it happen! Commit to making sex as fabulous as it can be for you and your partner(s) by paying close attention to the potential for pleasure versus peril and your role in determining the outcome.

New Beginnings………

Maybe now is the time to head south to Mexico and start that dog farm I have always wanted. Or, perhpas it’s time to review the “Bucket List” yet again for something closer to home: mid

wife to the Amish, full-time writer, or dog walker.  I am 53, talented, well educated, a great public speaker, and highly intuitive and compassionate practitioner and gainfully UN-employed.  Am I worried? Not sure yet. More than anything, I feel relieved. I was oppressed by the lack of kindness extended to me in my new – now old – job.  Not that my completely unexpected freak-out on day 2 shouldn’t have made folks nervous or given me a clue right then that this was not a match made in heaven.  BUT, hard to fess-up to such a thing, humble myself and admit to over-reacting with no apology from parties involved who were plain-old unfriendly.  Good thing I have a strong ego and insist on a job that involves my creativity and great sense of humor. The absence of laughter was what was most disturbing for me. I had never worked with people who didn’t like my jokes! I should have known from the get-go that it would never work. So onward, into new territories and I have no ide
a where I will end up. Not the most comforting feeling but not the worst either. Stay-tuned. It’s sure to be an interesting time. And in the meantime, there’s writing to do and my second book to edit. Women, Sex, Power and Pleasure is dated to pub. March 2013.  Looking forward to it. Now THAT will be a new beginning.

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