Evelyn Resh

Sensual and sexual health and satisfaction for teens and adults

Dr. Google is a problem…

dr.googleEvery day I care for patients with galvanized ideas about how best to manage their health as a result of consulting with Dr. Google.  Sometimes their ideas indicate they’ve completely misunderstood what they’ve read, are comical, and maybe even dangerous but I do my best to listen out of respect for their efforts. However, I will admit that as soon as I hear: I read on the Internet or The Internet said I groan imperceptibly and brace myself for a possible battle of wills.
The Internet has emboldened patients to question medical advice and this can be a positive thing. But, the rubber meets the road when patients forget what defines good medical practice; accurate interpretation of scientific information mixed with experience, compassion, and intuition. Further, until such time that Dr. Google can actually examine you through SKYPE or Face-Time, the findings of a physical exam, which is critical in diagnosing and treating any ailment, will always be missing.  And last but not least, Dr. Google cannot ask you important and clarifying questions.  A perfect example of this in my work occurs when a woman calls to report painful urination which she believes is from a bladder infection and for which she’s requesting an antibiotic. I have a strict policy of not prescribing medications over the phone. Also, if a prescription might be involved I need more information to be certain about what’s happening.  So, whenever painful urination is someone’s chief complaint I also ask: BTW – do you have a new boyfriend? And, did you have intercourse several times this past week? A pregnant pause followed by audible twittering adds Vaginal Friction Burn to my list of possible problems.

Athletic and enthusiastic intercourse might cause a bladder infection, but it always causes some degree of genital abrasions which burn like Hell when urine splashes on them – hence, painful urination. My prescription in such cases is to bench the Sex Olympian for 3-4 days, let the tissue heal and then hand her some good personal lube and send her back to center court.  No antibiotic needed.

Despite my 25 years in practice, there are always things I come across in patient care that I don’t know how to treat and that require research on my part. But at least my patients can talk with me about how best to solve their problems. Why bring a consultant into the room you’ve never met, you can’t have a conversation with, and who won’t help you think things through? This is exactly who Dr. Google is.
Next time you need medical advice, voice your chief complaint to Dr. Google and see what he has to say. But in the meantime, I encourage you to find a living, breathing health care provider you can trust.  And, keep an open mind, just in case they tell you something different than Dr. Google does.

Thoughts on Mother’s Day…

mother's dayHere it comes, the holiday that puts us all under pressure to do right – Mother’s Day. Even those who don’t really like their mothers end up doing something kind to mark the occasion. I have always felt that Hallmark should create a special line of cards for people whose mothers have been particularly difficult and careless. They could go something like this:
To My Mother on Mother’s Day -Your cooking was never glorious, your moods are notorious. But, as long as you’re on your medication things are great! Keep up the good work Mom, and Happy Mother’s Day!
To My Mother on Mother’s Day. Your passive/aggressive behaviors were text-book perfect. Good to know I learned from the best!
Happy Mother’s Day! To a mother who never gave up trying to hold her liquor.
Happy Mother’s Day! Thanks for the roaring holidays – you really know how to spike the punch – and land one too!
Perhaps those of us who have chosen to be mothers should use this holiday for a bit of contemplation while enjoying the flats of Pansies and boxes of candy we receive. As our sons and daughters age, we will invariably watch them doing things we consider seriously flawed or destined for failure. But maybe before we speak our minds we should pause and reflect on how we felt when our own mothers bossed us around as we were finding our way through life. I have a colleague who gets along well with her mother and I think I know why: Lydia told me that since having her children, her own mother, who is genuinely helpful and very involved in her life, has agreed with everything Lydia has decided to do with her kids. Now, just three years later, her mother remains universally agreeable even though Lydia herself reports having changed her mind on just about everything. I think Lydia’s mother is on to something big and sensible that we could all learn from.
This Mother’s Day, I am going to make a point of giving serious thought to Lydias’ mother’s approach. After all, I think I have been a good enough mother over the years so really, why doubt my daughter’s abilities? Perhaps we all should just sit back, be more agreeable, and listen closely for cues about what they need and want from us – and more importantly, what they don’t.

Be part of my Experiment

In my efforts to let more folks know about who I am and to grow my sexuality counseling and speaking life, I sought counsel from some wise and experienced hipsters who know more than a thing or two about how to navigate the ever-changing world of the Internet. The advice I received was unequivocal about the value of social media, an active on-line presence, Internet branding, and last but so not least, the extraordinary and seemingly unlimited power of the almighty Facebook page. My gang of talented “30 somethings” said to me: Ev, we need to get you “out there” and none of this can be under-estimated or under-utilized.” To that end, I am asking for a favor: please go to my professional Social Media Pages on Twitter, LinkedIn and Facebook, and “Like” or follow me. If you have friends you know might benefit from following me on social media And, after you read this month’s eblast, send it to a specific someone you know who would enjoy it.

Thanks so much for helping me with this experiment. I will report back with the results next month!

Pound(s) Cake



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Pound(s) Cake

My new book has an entire chapter devoted to health seeking behaviors and how they impact our sex life.  My premise is that a 70-30 split is best – 70% of the time we need to be adherent to healthy practices such as frequent and vigorous exercise, eating healthy foods, sleeping enough – you get the picture.  The remaining 30% is up for grabs.  This is what I consider optimal for good health and consequentially, better sex.  So far with today’s breakfast I think I have used my 30% for the rest of my life. This morning’s breakfast entrée was pound cake.  And like an inexperienced sommeliers I had to keep tasting to fully appreciate the product; the lemon bouquet accented by the ever-so-slight essence of almonds and then the perfection of the baking time which prevented giving the cake too dry a finish.  Unfortunately, I look for serotonin in all the wrong places; Ben and Jerry’s containers, my baking talents, and Richardson’s Candy Shop which is not far enough away from home that distance provides a deterrent. I feel a bit self-conscious pulling my figurative pants down in front of all of you about this. Where is my shame? But, perhaps I need to share this for the sake of soothing my conscience, helping me to self-correct, and relieving the suffering of others who have surely made a similar entrée choice at one time or another.  Food is my favorite drug.  Never mind a lovely glass or two of Merlot at the end of a hard day.   I will reach for any and all baked goods or candy every time. The good news though is that I genuinely love to exercise. I exercise just about every day and am doing my best not to throw either my health or my self-image down a shit hole as I age.  Meanwhile, I am slightly stoned from the carbohydrate load and wishing I had given last night’s dinner guests the entire cake to take home instead of a very large piece of it – hospitality and prevention in one!  Oh well, today’s hike will be longer than usual.

Happy Spring, everyone!

p.s. If you’re anywhere near Boulder, Colorado April 6-10, come join me at the Conference on World Affairs at CU Boulder. I will be speaking with great people all week and it’s a fabulous event!


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